Being a single mother to two energetic boys is a journey I never anticipated, and one that often leaves me grappling with a whirlwind of emotions. As I sit down to share this raw and unfiltered piece, I feel compelled to acknowledge the tumultuous reality of my daily existence – one where the guilt of focusing on finances overshadows the joy of being a mother.
The truth is, I am not just a mother; I am a caretaker, a provider, and an exhausted soul yearning for moments of respite. The weight of financial responsibilities looms large, casting a shadow over the picturesque image of motherhood that society often paints. In the rawest form of my emotions, there are times when I wonder if I am more of a custodian than a nurturing force in my children’s lives.
There is an unpopular honesty that I carry within me – the guilt of choosing the path of financial stability over a seamless, storybook motherhood. I find myself questioning whether I am inadvertently robbing my sons of the idyllic childhood they deserve. Shouldn’t I be baking cookies and attending every soccer game, rather than burning the midnight oil to make ends meet?
Regret sometimes creeps into the corners of my thoughts – regret that stems not from a lack of love for my children, but from the sheer exhaustion of trying to balance it all. The societal pressure to conform to the idealized role of a mother can be overwhelming, leaving me grappling with a sense of inadequacy. Do my boys deserve more? Am I enough for them?
In the midst of these raw and unpopular thoughts, I remind myself that it is okay to feel this way. It is okay to acknowledge the struggle and the imperfections that come with single parenthood. Society may not applaud the admission of exhaustion or the occasional regret, but authenticity is a gift I owe to myself and my children.
Yes, there are moments when I question whether I was truly cut out for this journey. The path of single motherhood is strewn with obstacles, and there are days when I wonder if my children would have been better off with a different version of me – one who had more time, more energy, and fewer financial worries.
But here’s the crux of it all – it is what it is, and what I do next determines the outcome. In the raw vulnerability of these emotions, there lies an opportunity for growth. It’s a reminder that being a mother is not about perfection; it’s about resilience, adaptability, and an unwavering love that finds its way through the chaos.
So, as I navigate this less-than-ideal path, I hold onto the belief that my imperfections make me human, not unfit. It is my love that defines me as a mother, not the societal checkboxes I may struggle to tick. In the unfiltered reality of single parenthood, I find strength in acknowledging the struggle and choosing to move forward with determination, love, and the unwavering commitment to providing my sons with a life filled with love, even if it looks different from the norm.
Till next time, Kerina K
